


I Said I'm Fine

by Indiprincess



Series: ADA office after hours [20]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:59:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5364032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indiprincess/pseuds/Indiprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just a note to avoid confusion, I have used the names Drea and Gabby for Sonny's two other sisters. Hope you enjoy and thanks so much for reading!</p>
    </blockquote>





	I Said I'm Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note to avoid confusion, I have used the names Drea and Gabby for Sonny's two other sisters. Hope you enjoy and thanks so much for reading!

Maureen, Sonny's mother fusses about the kitchen, checking the pork roasts she had put in the oven.  She tells Dom as soon as his foot is in the door to hurry up and shower and get changed.  She's an exciteable person, that's where Sonny gets it from, and she cannot contain that excitement as she fusses and putzes around her kitchen.  All her kids were going to be here tonight, as well as her dad, and that grandbaby girl of hers.  Sonny had called this morning, "early Sonny so early early" she had told him when he called.  When the phone rang and she looked at the time on the clock her heart had stopped.  She crossed herself before she answered the landline from the nightstand next to her and as soon as she heard her son's voice she sent up a prayer of thanks immediately and then hounded him about the early hour.  Sonny had given her the "alright ma, alright already" treatment and they both laughed.  He told her that he and his girlfriend would be coming out to the lsland tonight, they needed to talk to her and dad.

"What do you need to talk to us about Sonny?"  Maureen, now fully awake, was unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"Ma, we will tell you when we get out there tonight.  I want us to talk to you together."  He tries for annoyance, but Maureen hears the grin in his voice.  That boy could never hide his emotions.

"Will I be needing to get a certain piece of my mother's jewelry out of storage for you?"  Sony swears if his mother's voice pitches any higher, only a dog could hear her.

"MA!"  Sonny laughs.  "I said we will tell you when we get there tonight." He's so excited as well, but not about to tell her over the phone that he proposed last night, and his girlfriend said yes. He was still high from that, as his girlfriend did not believe it could be real at first. She had accused him first of joking, then of being drunk. He was neither, and when he had convinced her of that, like something out of a dream, she had accepted his proposal. He gave her his grandfather's watch, the watch he had gotten when he retired from the police force and given to Sonny when he graduated the academy. He didn't have a ring when he asked her, he had planned the moment for in the future, but he loved her so much and felt it so strongly in his heart last night holding her on her fire escape, that it would not wait inside him any longer. He couldn't wait for the two of them to head out to Staten Island tonight, he couldn't wait to tell his mom that he would need that piece of jewelry.

"Fine Dominic Carisi Jr., you just be that way.  What time will you kids be heading in tonight?"

"We will be off at 6 ma, and will head straight that way.  Today is her first day of her court reporter job, and I know she's going to be tense today, and the ferry ride will help her to relax and unwind.  The fresh air will be good."

"Okay, we'll see you then.  Is there anything she can't have like alcohol or seafood?"  Maureen hints again, perhaps it's not her mother's engagement ring Sonny needs tonight, perhaps it's his sister's maternity clothes for his girlfriend.  Either one would be great but she certinaly hopes the former will be needed before the latter.

"MA!"  Sonny laughs into his cell phone as he walked the dark streets that morning, "we will see you and dad tonight."

"Okay okay Sonny, we'll see you tonight.  Bye sweetie.  Dad and I love you, be careful."

"Love you guys too ma."  And he hangs up.

"My boy all right, Mo?"  Dom asks, eyes shut.

"Oh yeah Dom."  She says to him excitedly and Dom opens his eyes.  His Maureen is so excited that he knows he won't be getting back to sleep.  He has to get up in 45 minutes anyway, he lets Mo have her fun.  "Sonny and his ladyfriend are coming over tonight they want to talk to us!"  She gives Dom's shoulder a shake and is eeking like a teenager next to him.

"You have 14 hours to get it out of your system before they get here Mo."  He teases her.  He moves to kiss the top of her head but she has rolled over already.  He rubs sleep from his eyes and sees her reading glasses perched on her face and the landline in her hand.  "Maureen who are you calling?"

"Bella."

"Mo, it's 4:45 in the morning..."  Dom starts, knowing it's useless.  Once his Maureen had her mind made up, well...

"Maybe they're up."  She says over her shoulder and Dom looks at her over the top of his glasses.  He decides he might as well just get up and start getting ready for work now.  "Bella?  Bella sweetie are you up?"

Bella groans.  "Ma, I'm clearly up now."  Her annoyance turns to fear.  "Sonny!"

"No no sweetie, your brother is fine..."  Maureen starts.

"POP!"  Bella cuts her off.

"Everyone is fine Bella, everyone is fine."

"If everyone is fine why are you calling at this hour?"  Bella sits up in bed and flips on the nightstand light and Tommy groans throwing a pillow over his head as he hears his soon-to-be mother-in-law's voice sqwawking through Bella's cell phone.

"Well your brother and his girlfriend are coming over after they get off work today.  He just called me a minute ago to tell us.  You wouldn't happen to know what this is about would you?"

"MA!"  Bella barks in frustration, exhaustion from her fussy little Mia cutting new teeth and her mother disturbing her sleep is fraying her nerves.  "How would I know what it's about?"

"Oh I don't know."  Maureen says with fake innocence.  "The two of you, 11 months apart and closer than twins. You and Sonny thick as thieves your whole lives, I don't know why I, your mother who birthed you, would think you might know something."

"Well I don't.  Anyway if he said they're coming tonight won't you know soon enough?"  Bella asks, frustration clear in her voice.

"Oh Bella, my beautiful Bella."  Maureen coos into the phone and Bella feels a smile tug at her lips, she knows what is coming.  Their mother is famous for this routine.  "My sweet Bella, my 13 pound 11 ounce bundle of joy."  Maureen hears Dom groan from the closet where he is pulling out a fresh work uniform.  "Did I tell you that I was in..."

"Labor for 47 hours."  Bella says along with her.  "Yes ma, you might have mentioned it."

"Did I mention you were breech?  I was a holy mess down there."

"Maureen."  Dom snaps and they all three laugh.  Maureen does this just as much for their reaction as they let her do it to give their reaction.  It's her joke too and she eats up their reactions.  She loves to hear those babies of hers laugh, and Dom's deep rich laugh was always like a salve to her, no matter what was bothering her.

"I'm just saying Dom, she had her days and nights mixed up for six weeks, and I didn't sleep with that one, so excuse me if I think if maybe she had some information she might want to share it with her mother, you know, the one who birthed your beautiful 13 pound daughter into this world, who is the reason that to this day I still have to cross my legs when I sneeze."  Maureen teasingly chides.

"Don't forget those 11 ounces Maureen.  You sure haven't let Bella forget"  She and Bella hear from the closet and they both laugh.

"So you really don't know anything sweetie?"

"No ma, I really don't."

"Okay, well you guys come over tonight after work too, I'm gonna call Pop in a little bit and have him come over tonight too."

"Maureen."  Dom warns.

"What Dom, if they are coming together, it's big news and obiviously good news, whether she's pregnant or they are getting married I want her to feel welcome with us Dom.  I didn't handle things right with Tommy and I regret that, and this I want to do right."  Maureen's heart had broken when she found out that Bella was pregnant and was going to go to Montauk with Tommy in April to get married.  Bella had wanted to keep her pregnancy from her mom until she was married, and that broke Maureen's heart.  She had spent so much time worrying about the wrong things that her precious Bella had been afraid to tell her she was pregnant, fearing her mother's reaction, and was going to run off and not even let her parents throw her a wedding.  Mo had found out about their plan from Sonny, and went right over to Bella's to talk it out through tears and hugs and "I'm your mother and you can tell me anything's", and had talked Bella into letting them give her a wedding, which would be happening soon.  So this she wanted to do right, just like she wanted to make things right for Bella.  "How many women has he ever brought home?  And now he's got one that he's nuts for, and she's good to him Dom.  You two remember that trash one he used to date?"  Dom can just picture Bella rolling her eyes at Maureen's tangent.

"Okay,"  Bella cuts in, "we will be there tonight."

"If it is a baby, is there anything she can't have, that I shouldn't make besides seafood?"

"You've done that four times, shouldn't you know."

"When I was pregnant with your oldest sister the doctor told me I could have a martini and a cigarette every night to unwind my nerves.  I've been out of the game longer than you have, so is there anything I can't serve her?"

"Paint chips."

Maureen laughs.  "Is that so?  Well I ate them every night when I was pregnant with you, and you turned out okay for the most part, except for that twitch and that baying at the moon thing you do every so often..."  Maureen teases and all three of them laugh.

"That baying at the moon is all you Mo."  Dom sasses from the dresser where he's pulling out socks and underwear.  "She got that from her momma."  He smiles as Maureen tosses her neck pillow at him. 

"So what's your excuse for Drea then?"  Bella teases, the youngest of the Carisi's, famous for her attitude.

"The jury is still out on that one babe."  She sighs.  "I think a pork roast might be a safe bet, but I will check at the butcher shop.  That's not too spicy and pretty bland in case she gets the sickness.  I had that so..."

"So bad with your sister Drea."  Bella finishes with her and they both laugh again.  "Sounds good mom, we will see you tonight.  Love you."

"Love you too pumpkin."

That was hours and hours ago, and Maureen still felt just as excited as she did this morning.  Now here they all sat waiting for Sonny and his girl to get here.  They hear the front door open.  Darn.  Drea was supposed to be their lookout but of course she was on her phone.

A random smattering of "SURPRISE" hits Sonny when he enters the house.  He blinks, startled.  He hadn't even wanted to come out here after today, but he needed his family right now, he just hadn't wanted them to be all gathered like this.

"Sonny, where's your girlfriend."  Drea says the word girlfriend in a high pitch childlike tone.

"At her apartment."  He says quietly, shifting uncomfortably.

"I thought you both were coming?"  Maureen asks.

"We broke up."  He tells them, chin puckering slightly.  The room erupts into a cacophony of what's when's where's why's and how's.  Dom silences them all with a raise of his hand.

"What happened son?"

****************************************************

That morning, Sonny had walked into the courtroom to testify in this case.  He was so glad that this was almost behind him.  He was ready to put this case and all of it's ugliness behind him and go forward.  After today, a new chapter starts.  It starts tonight in fact, when he and his girlfriend head to Staten Island to talk to his parents, and tell them they are getting married.  He had asked on the spur of the moment, it had felt so right, but then he panicked when he had asked and she hadn't answered.  She was scared he was kidding or drunk or wouldn't remember, never believing that it could be real, and that broke his heart.  His love for her was the most real thing he had ever known and she was constantly waiting to be told otherwise.  Well, not any longer.  She'd finally answered him, and it was a yes.  He couldn't be more happy, and the phone call with his mother had tickled him to death that she was so excited and he couldn't wait to take her home.  He had her pack a bag so they could stay overnight.  Maybe his parents would even let them stay in the same room, since they were now engaged.  He smiles at that thought of his mother's reaction, smothering his girlfriend with kisses, Maureen loves her to death.  He can pictures his dad's just as pleased but more reserved reaction.

He starts to walk to the front and he freezes, seeing his girlfriend in the reporter's gallery. He feels himself start to sweat and walks up quickly to her. 

"Babe, what are you doing in here?  I thought you were going to be in Judge Miller's court today?"

"Hey Sonny."  He hears the nervousness in her voice.  "I was.  The case ended in a plea deal so the supervisor sent me to shadow in this courtroom.  This woman that I am working with right now is intense, and not very friendly.  I'm so nervous."

"You're gonna do great."  He says flatly and notices her looking at him funny.

"You okay?"  She asks.

"Do you have time to talk?  In the hall?"

"No, I'm sorry.  I have to get set up.  Beatrice, the woman training me, she wants me to do some transcribing, so I have to get set up."

"She wants you to transcribe on your first day?"

"Yeah.  I know.  I can't believe it either.  She's going to transcribe with me, she said to see what we need to focus on."  She shakes her nervousness out of her hands.  "Anyway, I'm sorry baby, I've got to get set up.  Are you going to be okay?  Is everything all right?  Her hand goes to his arm and then to her watch.  He knows what she is thinking, she's thinking he regrets asking her.  Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  It's the last thing on his mind.  All he can think right now is how badly he wants to hold on to her, and he's praying that she won't regret saying yes.

Before Sonny can even answer her, Beatrice is back and she tells Sonny she's got to go, and has a vaguely unsettled look on her face.  She gives his hand a final squeeze and turns to get settled.  Sonny sees Evan Braun, the defense attorney for Johnny D. looking at them.  He makes eye contact with Sonny and a slow smile spreads across his face, as Sonny glares at him.

Sonny takes his turn in the witness box and feels his luck completely run out, and he's so upset.  His girl was not supposed to be in his courtroom today.  He just wanted to get his testimony behind him, he practically had.  But as he sat up in the witness box to testify about the sting they had pulled in a prostitution ring, Braun had attempted to systematically pull apart each witness in the case, including the officers who were at the sting.  He could see his girlfriend clearly upset to hear the things he implied about the detectives who worked so hard every day to keep the city safe.  Braun had spared no one, bringing up Benson and Noah, and his parentage, Rollins gambling, Amaro's temper.  He brought these things up over and over only to be chided by the judge and receiving numerous exasperated objections from Barba.  When it was Sonny's turn to take the stand, Braun had implied an inappropriate sexual contact with one of Johnny D.'s prostitutes.  She could not believe how low that man would sink.  Anyone willing to defend the likes of Johnny D. though, certainly didn't have a moral compass.  Barba objected and stated that Carisi had done nothing wrong.  Barba states that Sonny was a victim of this group, not an attacker.  Sonny sees her fingers freeze on the keyboard and her face go red.  She isn't looking at him at least.  He sees sweat dapple her forehead.  She won't look at him, but he cannot look away from her.

Barba presses play and a video fills the screen.  Sonny is interrogating a woman on the film.  She's not as young as most of the girls that Johnny trades in.  She wonders if this is Selena's replacement.  He takes the seat next to her and hands notepad and pen to write down names, ages, addresses.   He tells her to write down all the information she can think of. 

She tells Carisi to get rid of Amanda and she will give him anything he wants.  Anything.  Sonny looks away in disappointment and disgust and she jumps into his lap. One hand groping between his thighs the other on the back of his head kissing him as her body grinds against him. he and Amanda had only hesitated in shock for a second before restraining her. Barba notes, in fact, that Amanda and Carisi had correctly followed procedure and filled out all the appropriate paperwork and filed it immediately and the woman was charged with assault, to which she had already plead guilty so why was he bringing this up now?  Barba had questioned in frustration.  Amaro's temper  was nowhere to be found when he was collecting and comforting terrified girls from a hellhole.  The only thing Rollins had gambled with was her life running in there to help those girls and Sonny had done nothing wrong and was a victim himself and had followed every step of procedure both before and after that woman had put her hands on him so if Mr. Braun wouldn't mind could he please just stick to the facts of the case at hand and stop wasting everyone's time?  The SVU detectives were not on trial, his client was.  Judge Barth agreed and called a recess for lunch.

**************************************************

Sonny's girl finds him in a hallway by the restrooms.  She just stands and looks at him, unsure what to say and waiting for him to say something.  He doesn't look at her, hands jammed in his pockets.  He stares at his feet.  She has so many feeling roiling through her, She doesn't even know where to begin.  "Sonny?  Sonny, Jesus, oh my God are you okay?  She asks.  Concern marks her face and he feels terrible. 

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Sonny, why wouldn't you tell me this happened to you?"

"It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?  Sonny, someone hurt you.  This is a big deal.  How could you keep that from me?"

"Cause it's none of your business."

She brushes back in shock.  "None of my business?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I handled it, I did my paperwork and it's over, I'm fine."

"If it wasn't a big deal, you would have told me."

"Look, what do you want me to say?  Do you want me to say I'm sorry I didn't tell you?  Fine."  His voice is so angry.

"I just, I just don't understand."

"What don't you understand.  You saw the video.  I was working a case and some hooker grabbed my dick and shoved her disgusting tongue down my throat."  You flinch at his words.  "Look, I don't know why you are making this a big deal.  I'm fine."

"You don't know why I'm making this a big deal?  How can you say that?  Someone assaulted you, and you came home and had sex with me.  Sonny, I told you about that night in Barba's office with him when the only thing you and I shared was a car ride and a slow dance.  And this?  This you think I didn't need to know about?"  You blink and brush back as you realize something.  He can tell by the look of horror on your face what you are thinking and he's shaking his head no in reply already.  "Yes."  You tell him as it hits you.  "That's why you said you loved me that night, isn't it? 

"No..."  He begins.

"Yes it is!  What, it happened before you said you loved me and put your dick in me so it doesn't count?  You're right.  Let's just act like nothing happened, like you have been this whole time."

"Stop it.  That's not why I said I love you, and you know it.  You know me better than that."

"Do I?"  You ask.  "I'm not so sure now."  Your hand goes to the watch on your wrist, spinning it absently.  Your hand stills and you straighten with another realization.  He's shaking his head once again.  "Is that...  is that why you asked me to marry you last night?  On the chance I might find out about this?"

"No.  Jesus no.  I didn't say I love you because this happened to me.  I said I love you because I knew from that night you were in my cabin you were special and I knew by the end of the two days we stayed up there that I was in love with you.  I said it because I needed you to know then, I wanted to tell you so many times but I needed you to know that minute.  I just felt it, like I felt it when I proposed to you, I felt it with you snuggled up to me, that that is where I wanted you always to be.  In my arms.  Look, I didn't cheat on you, I was attacked, so just stop asking me and carrying on about it, it's over."

You stare hard into those blue eyes.  "You didn't _cheat_ on me?"  You ask slowly.  "You think that is what I'm upset about?"  You ask, voice going higher.  "You think that even entered my mind?"  You shake your head and start clawing at the watch on your wrist.  "If that's what you think this is about, then we are definitely not ready for this."  You struggle with the clasp and you can't get it,  you pull it over your hand, scratching little ribbons of skin.  He has his hands up so he cannot take it.  You grab his hand and jam it into the palm and bend his fingers around it and walk down the hall to go sit back in the courtroom and wait.  "Thanks for one last good fuckin' for the road Dominic."  You yell down the hall, your words like a slap to his face, you striking out to hurt him as badly as you had been hurt.

***************************************************************************

You sit in the reporter gallery waiting for court to start again,  Evan Braun comes in and sits at the defense table, smirking at you.  He had been in the hallway for your whole exchange with Sonny, Braun not having the decency to move or excuse himself.  You weren't surprised.  You would expect nothing less from Braun.  Barba walks in and sits at the prosecution table.  Sonny walks in and makes a move toward you and thinks better of it when he sees the look on your face.

Beatrice walks in with your new supervisor and they inform you, right there, in the gallery, that after reviewing your transcription tapes, due to the number of errors now is not the right time for the court reporter position.  You didn't think your heart could break any more.  "But I wasn't even supposed to be transcribing today."  You tell them. 

"Regardless of that, the number of errors during Detective Carisi's testimony, just have landed at an unacceptable level.  We spoke with your former supervisor and your administrative assistant position is still open, so we think it would just be in everyone's best interest if you moved back to that position."

You nod.  "I see."  You are so devastated but at least you still have a job of some sort.  You will yourself not to cry as they step away and give you a moment to collect your things.

Evan Braun yells to you from his desk.  "You know, you can always come work for me. From what I just heard, you offer quite a few fringe benefits to those in the criminal justice profession."  You see Barba put a hand on Sonny to still him from walking over to Braun's table.  "I've got a 5 bedroom apartment that overlooks the park, I can at least take you to a nice meal after, what can that cop give you?  A hot dog from a cart?"  Sonny stands up and Amaro pushes him back into his seat and keeps his hands tight on Sonny's shoulders.  You walk over to the defense table.

"Mr. Braun, I wouldn't accept a glass of water from you if I were on fire.  And with the clientele you serve, you are the last person to place any judgment on someone's personal choices.  You are probably so used to leaving cash on a nightstand after you get any fringe benefits, I can overlook the lack of common decency.  I certainly don't expect much of that from a man who makes his living defending men who earn theirs off the backs of little girls."  You spit at him, disgusted.  "And when the bullshit that you have slung out in this world finds its way to your door, and it will, because what we sling out there always finds it's way back to us, Mr. Braun, those people over there.."  You point to Sonny and Rollins and Amaro.  "Those people whose reputations you just tried to ruin up there with your bullshit defense you are trying to pull, they would fight just as hard to help you, even though you implied horrible things and tried to destroy them.  And they don't do what they do to have a five bedroom apartment that overlooks the park.  They do what they do because it's in their blood, saving and helping people is who they are.  They don't it for a large paycheck.  They do it to the detriment of those stupid enough to give their hearts to them.  They do without family time, without sleep, without vacations, all to help people that have been hurt by those you try and set free.  So, Mr. Braun, don't you ever talk about Detective Carisi, or anyone else over at that table for that matter."  You slap the table and watch him jump.  "It's over between him and I, but you...  you scum, you are not fit to shine his shoes.  Any of theirs.  We all have struggles, but they are good people and they are decent.  Something you know nothing about."  The judge is not in yet, so you knock his notepad from his table.  "See you on the flipside.  Asshole."  You say as you walk away and out the door and back to your old desk.  Some fucking day.

*********************************************************************

Sonny practically runs out of the courtroom as soon as the trial is over.  He looks at his watch, it's just a bit after six, he knows she will be home already.  Her old job always got out at 5.  If he makes it over to her apartment, they can sort through this.  His heart broke when she gave him his watch back.  He didn't know what to say, he was flustered, Braun had flustered him, his girl being in the courtroom had flustered him, and when she had wanted to talk he had gotten defensive and she got defensive right back.  Those were just their reactions in the heat of the moment.  And he hadn't thought his heart could break any more, and then she lost the transcription job, and they had told her in front of them, not even privately.  His heart broke for her, and then when that pig Braun had insulted her, he wanted to knock the man's teeth out.  But Amaro held him back, and his girl went over there and gave him a real piece of her mind.  He wished he had done it for her.  She had told Braun it was over.  Sonny knew she said that out loud for his benefit, not Braun's, but what about everything else she had said?  That had given him hope that they could talk about it.  He would sit and answer anything she wanted to know.  The thought of that made him uncomfortable but he wanted this to work.  He wants her, and he knows she wants him. With her saying those things to Braun, how he wasn't fit to shine Sonny's shoes, he knew there was still a chance.  And she was just mad.  Feelings don't shut off in an instant, right?

He rounds the corner to her place, feeling better already.  In his mind he knows it will not be long now until they have it settled and by the end of the night she will be lying in bed with him on Staten Island.  He will be cuddled up in her arms in one of her famous hugs.  As he gets to her building, his heart sinks.  He breaks out into a cold sweat and is gripped with fear.  At the curb, on top of the trash bags out for collection is her giant floor pouf, and on top of that a white trash bag he can see through.  He sees the bottle of Boone's Farm, the coffee cups, the hoodie and cap he had on, the sweater she had on, even the underwear she had on. Anything he had touched last night now lies in a bag at the curb on top of the pouf she loves so much.  He doesn't even ring her buzzer.  Seeing this laid before him, he knows there is no point.  This displayed before him, screams that it is over louder than any words she could ever have said. He never thought this of her, never imagined they could come to this. He swallows back the tears, feeling like she threw him out in the garbage as well, he heads to Staten Island alone.


End file.
